Tales of catastophe, sex and squalor from the Alpine Underbelly...

Belle de Neige

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

Back by popular demand....my filthy side....

Ok. I'm just going to come out and say it.

90% of people would secretly love to have a foursome.

....Or at least are silently, furtively, curious about it... probably masturbate furiously about it in their spare time. Or office hours depending on how wrong they are.

To my estimation about half of those people would actually go through with it if the opportunity presented itself and about half again would have the initiative... and quite frankly the chutzpah, to actually engineer the situation themselves and make it happen.

To be clear, I am talking here specifically about two chaps and two mademoiselles. Group sex is a complicated thing at the best of times and I haven't got room here to go into the politics of menage a trois (2 guys and a gal or 2 gals and a guy? Very different negotiation and tactics necessary I assure you) or a gang bang (according to urban dictionary it's only a gang bang if, say, 8 out of 9 people are the same gender, any more mixing than that and it's an orgy.)

So a foursome can fairly be called an orgy then... nes pas?

Catalysts for a menage a quatre (choose from the below, combine, add lubrication and stand at a safe distance - or up close. Whatever your penchant):

2 horny blokes who don't mind touching other blokes bits (accidentally or deliberately)


2 horny blokes who are good enough friends that if skin (or cock) contact should accidentally occur it will never leave this room


1 recently corrupted, young and (possibly impressionable)madmoiselle who is a lot less innocent than she looks...


1 seasoned filtherella who enjoys it when people try to shock her and end up being shocked themselves instead.


An empty house


A large bed


Vodka, champagne and aphrodisiac foodgroups....

So, last week SbH asked me in his most innocent tones whether I'd like to come round for a 'romantic' dinner with him....and his friend J (whose reputation, I must say, precedes him as being someone who is quite often naked and takes any opportunity to show off his giant wang) and his new girlfriend G.

Seemingly innocent. Unless of course you know how SbH's dirty little mind works. Which I do.

G, you see, has been going through a process of, shall we say, liberation, at the hands of J and his giant wang.

'This wouldn't be a clumsy and underhand attempt to get G and me into a room together and engineer a foursome would it?' I asked. I prefer the direct approach.

'No....maybe....erm. Well if it DID happen it was just be us shagging in the same room. The only other skin touching would be me and J exchanging high fives....But really we just thought we could get together and chat...you know...'


Unfortunately yours truly saw this as a bit of a gauntlet being thrown down.

I wish I could explain why at about midnight, after a lovely, civilized dinner and a few vodkas, the words:

'Shall we go upstairs
..............and play truth or dare
..................................on SbH's bed?'

...just, well, fell out of my mouth.

It was like I was possessed or something. I take no responsibility.

Anyway, to miss-quote Velma Kelly: 'I have absolutely no idea what happened after that. I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing. It wasn't til next morning when I was washing the cum off my hands I even knew we'd all got frisky!'

I did remember SbH's Mum coming home at some point though. Luckily she was trolleyed, but who knows what she heard.

Oh. And I also remember a few high fives being exchanged between SbH and J. And possibly G and me....

How's that for killing time between seasons?

So finally I suppose there's only one question left to ask.

I clearly have the chutzpah to muff dive. But do I have the chutzpah to publish this post?

Yah, darling.

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